Relationships may be more complicated than ever, but the eternal truth is, sex is - and should be - good. In order to help you get the most out of your sex life, you need advice from experts on both sides of the bed. Enter our resident experts: Martin Downs, M.P.H., and Victoria Zdrok, Penthouse Pet and Ph.D.

My boyfriend has a history of sleepwalking, which he says he’s overcome. We just moved in together and several times, in the middle of the night, we’ve had some really good sex, but he doesn’t seem to remember it. Is sleepfucking part of the sleepwalking condition?



Dr. Martin Downs answers: Yes, sleep sex, or “sexsomnia,” is a sleep disorder like sleepwalking, and many people who engage in sleep sex also have been sleepwalkers. Researchers have found that men with the disorder usually grope or have sex during a leep-sex episode, whereas women with the disorder nearly always masturbate or talk dirty. A person who engages in the kind of sleep sex that’s similar to sleepwalking typically has no memory of it afterward and may even snore during sexsomnia.

Sometimes sleep sex can be, as you say, really good for the partner who’s awake. In one study, a woman told researchers that when her boyfriend had sleep sex with her, he was a “more amorous and gentle lover,” and more interested in satisfying her. Another woman interviewed for a study said she liked some of the kinky rough stuff her sexsomniac boyfriend did with her in his sleep, and they incorporated these things into their waking sex life.

But there’s also a dark side to sexsomnia. Take, for example, the case of a guy who “went sleepwalking into the bedroom of his aunt and uncle” and “started fondling his uncle’s genitals.” Try living that one down.

But what’s much worse, sexsomniacs have been known to commit violent sexual assaults against their bedmates or nearby sleepers. Worst of all are the cases in which adults have sexually abused children, including their own, during bouts of sexsomnia. So please, warn your boyfriend that no matter how innocent his intent, he should never share a bed with a child–maybe not even a hotel room.

Research has also shown that sexsomniacs may be more likely to act out sexually in their sleep if they’ve been drinking, and if they’re overtired or stressed out. The sleeping pill Ambien has been linked to sleep sex, along with other bizarre somnambulistic antics. You may be enjoying your boyfriend’s somnolent attention now, but you and he should be aware that it could get ugly.

And if ever you don’t feel like getting rogered at 4 A.M., a brisk slap across his face should do the trick.

Dr. Z answers: Sleepsex, “sexsomnia,” or SBS is sexual behavior that occurs during sleep. Just like some folks walk, talk, eat, (and even drive, yikes!) during sleep, others, like your boyfriend, fuck. SBS is listed in the International Classification of Sleep Disorders. Recent medical research suggests sexual behavior during sleep is a distinct form of sleep-related behavior in the class “parasomnia,” a variant of an existent sleep disorder known as a “confusional arousal.”

There are about 11 different sex-related sleep disorders, collectively referred to as “sexsomnia.” People are at risk for developing sex-related sleep disorders when they have pre-existing sleep disorders–such as sleepwalking or sleep terrors. SBS is more prevalent in men, and it’s not uncommon for them to masturbate and reach orgasm while asleep. Chances are your boyfriend really doesn’t remember all that sleepfucking. If it bothers either of you, his SBS can be treated with medication. But keep in mind the bottom line: If the sex is good, who cares if he remembers it or not? At least he’s riding you, and not his motorcycle or the family dog. As long as you discourage him from sleepovers at your BFF’s house, neither of you should have any issues engaging in some somnambulistic nocturnal romps. Sweet sleepfucking!