Relationships may be more complicated than ever, but the eternal truth is, sex is–and should be–good. In order to help you get the most out of your sex life, you need advice from experts on both sides of the bed: Victoria Zdrok, Penthouse Pet and Ph.D., and Martin Downs, M.P.H.


Question:

I love it when my girlfriend is on top. When she rides me I tend to have the most awesome orgasms. But she’s not crazy about the position. I think she might be self-conscious. What can I do to make her feel more comfortable topside?



Dr. Z answers:

There are lots of possible reasons why being on top is not her favorite position. She may not like that roll of fat on the bottom of her tummy–having to suck in your stomach while pile-driving your partner is no fun. Or she may not like how her breasts jiggle, or the cellulite gathering on her thighs–or some other aspect of her appearance that may seem silly or irrational to you, but is a source of embarrassment to her.

Maybe you should just ask her. If she is reluctant to respond, try to reassure her that she looks particularly beautiful and sexy to you in this position (although that may not change her mind). Tell her how much you love massaging her breasts and clit while she bounces on your bone. On the other hand, she just may be lazy and doesn’t feel like doing all the work. In that case, you may want to hold her waist and help her move up and down.

Personally, being on top is my least favorite position–it doesn’t affect my G spot nearly as much as being in the missionary position with my knees up to my chin, and it doesn’t have the sheer sexy animalism of being done doggie-style with hair-pulling and butt-slapping. I prefer missionary because I like the feeling of being “taken” and overpowered and the weight of a man on me.

Try to find out why she doesn’t like being on top, then encourage and reassure her. Alternate having her on top with the position she likes the most. If you have the stamina, bring her to orgasm in her favorite position, then have her finish you off in cowgirl. Compromise solves almost all our problems.



Martin Downs answers:

It depends why she feels selfconscious. Maybe she’s not comfortable with setting the rhythm and the motion. In that case, you could reassure her that she needn’t worry about getting it right or wrong, because however she does it, it’s awesome for you.

Or, like Dr. Z says, she has body-image issues. I’m sure it’s nice for you to watch her tits bounce and sway and her belly undulate as she rides you. But she might be thinking all the while that she’s a fat cow, and that you couldn’t possibly like the looks of her. To be sure, nothing you could say would really change her mind, but telling her how hot she looks when she’s on top is better than keeping mum. If she says she feels self-conscious about you looking at her, you could tell her it’s okay to keep a bra, shirt, or nightie on.

Also, like Dr. Z, her lack of enthusiasm for being on top might have nothing to do with anxiety. She might just be a sexual bottom–meaning she vastly prefers getting fucked to being the one who does the fucking. If that’s how it is, you’ll just have to compromise: Sometimes she gets her favorite thing, and sometimes you do.